Sometimes when I look at people all I can see is a series of bad decisions. That looks so terrible, written there, but it's true so I'm not going to delete it. People just let fear and poor self-esteem eat up so much of their lives and I'm no different, although I like to imagine I have a better handle on it than most; I have at least learned, for the most part, to "feel the fear but do it anyway."

And so many people are willing to blame others for everything, or complain when they should be grateful for what they have. I'm no different- I do it, but I'm working at growing beyond that. I already send "thank you" notes whenever I receive a gift, whether I wanted it or not, whether I can use it or not, and I often take the time to focus on what is good in my life, even when things are bad; when I was so sick that I often couldn't get out of bed the only thing that kept me going was reminding myself of the things for which I should have felt grateful. Now that things are good I'm learning to live without constantly fearing that they will go bad and part of that process is keeping a gratitude journal; I'm not Christian, but I am grateful, so it's something that works for me.

Everyday we create ourselves, choose our path, control how we will think, behave, and speak, and are given the opportunity to do better, seek balance, give of ourselves, and live in awareness, but so often we instead choose to believe we are a product of our circumstances, that others' "make" us feel bad about ourselves, or that things will be so much better when we reach some specific goal, like losing weight or getting a raise. Really, our lives will always be imperfect no matter how many of those little goals we set for ourselves are achieved and there's nothing wrong with that, because our task should be to endure and enjoy the lives we make and, hopefully, to leave our shared world a better place for having had us.

I'm starting to agree with that imbecile, Cash, that "if you're going to do something you might as well do it with a glad heart."


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