Sick of It

Being sick pisses me off to no end. Not knowing what the fuck is wrong with me is worse. I have PCO/S— that much is certain— and it causes me to be insulin resistant, but that doesn't account for how awful I feel pretty much all the time. For the last two years I haven't been able to lead the life I want because I'm tired all the time, suffer frequent headaches, ache all over almost constantly, experience severe pain in my abdomen, run fevers frequently for no apparent reason, and sometimes feel like my skin is crawling (I think that's the worst part). What I'm most tired of is feeling crazy! My doctors keep telling me that they can't find anything wrong with me, so I keep getting referred to see more doctors (like the urologist and gastrointerologist I'm seeing tomorrow). I'm just despairing right now because I have the sinking feeling that the next doctors I see will just refer me to even more doctors who still won't know what's wrong! I also hate knowing that most of my coworkers think I'm just lying about being ill. I know it doesn't really matter what they think, they're all way more fucked up than I am anyway, but it still just rubs me the wrong way.

Auto-immune dificiencies like multiple sclerosis, lupus, and rheumatoid arthritis run in my family, so my mom's convinced that I have an over-active immune system. She backs up her theory by citing all the times in my life I've contracted serious illnesses, like when I had scarlet fever and West Nile disease, but only suffered the mildest symptoms from them. Thinking along those lines, she called a friend of hers who has had a lot of trouble with rheumatoid arthritis to ask for her doctor's numbers, since they were the only ones able to help her in a long string of physicians.

Tonight I made some vegetable stew that turned out really well and I think I'm going to bake a pie.