Gotta See the Special Man!

And when I do see the special man, Fate needs to just say, "Let 'em have it!" and BOOM! There would be conception!

The results of my last progesterone blood test are back and there has still been no ovulation on behalf of my lazy, lumpy ovaries; after receiving that news (which I expected) I have been feeling more than a little defective, so I ate more cookies-N-cream ice cream than I should have. Now that I'm sufficiently bloated, I can consider the next step: a specialist.

I have hope that injectable drugs will work and that they won't be too much for our budget, so tomorrow morning I'm going to make an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist. In the meantime, I will continue applying to various insurance policies in the hope that they will approve me despite my various reproductive dysfunctions. We have neither the money nor the desire to undergo extreme procedures like in-vitro fertilization, so we have to hope that my holistic approach and the injectable drugs of Western medicine will work for us.

I have to admit that I am disappointed (with so many things), because I have pictured myself as a mother (albeit a single mother - men have never factored prominently in to any of the equations of my life, they're only supporting cast members, I'm afraid) since I was twelve or thirteen. At the same time, I know I'm not one of those women who will be utterly devastated if I can't have biological children, although I will be deeply sad if that is a part of life which I can't experience first hand, and I know that I would love any adopted child as much as a biological child; I'm not so vain that only "my own" child will do - any child I bring in to my life will be my own.

It would just be nice if it would be easy, but I've never been known to do anything the easy way.