Bi-Polar Morning

I woke up with the most unnerving sense of urgency and I really can't place why; the only thing I had really planned to do was scrub the ferrets' cage, put away some things from storage, and maybe make a peach pie to use up all those super sour peaches I bought. I can't help feeling like there's something important I need to know just beyond the grasp of my understanding.

Now that I'm thinking about it, it may just be a touch of mania coming on. I just haven't felt legitimately manic in a long time, so feeling like my brain is starting to shift in that direction again is more than a little disconcerting, although it does make sense. I always feel at my best when I'm manic and I get a huge amount of things accomplished. It only becomes a problem when all that energy and crazy drive desert me and I crash in to depression, leaving a million different things undone.

I don't mind being manic, in fact, like most bi-polar people, I actually like it, although I've never admitted that to any of my shrinks. In mania I feel more creative than usual, unbelievably inspired, amazingly motivated, unstoppable. From years of experience with my own bi-polar disorder, or whatever they're calling it now, I have come to accept that I'm healthier and easier to live with when I achieve some state of balance, but I wouldn't mind being a touch on the manic side if I could stay just there. I have to admire Carl for knowing and loving me through it all: extreme mania, extreme depression, and even -gasp!- relative normalcy.