The Same Old Struggle

[enduringplum]

I'm struggling with a particularly bad and sudden bout of depression right now. Looking back, I think I saw it sneaking up on me, but I never realize it until it hits me hard. This is the only time I start wishing for the magical pills the psychologist can prescribe, but the long term side effects are never worth it to remain "med compliant." I've been diagnosed with major depression and bi-polar disorder, so it's clear to me that none of my doctors have really understood why I go through this; I think it's more closely related to my out of whack hormones than anything else, because I first began suffering with depression during puberty, whereas other manic-depressives I've known have been severely afflicted with their mental illness since they were young children - Maybe I should take my left over Clomid as a mood enhancer.

Other than feeling depressed, I'm trying to keep up with my class work, but I'm falling behind, I'm continuing to learn new songs so I can keep subbing with the Pfister Sisters, but I'm also apathetic about that, I'm urging Carl to keep working on getting us pre-approved for that home loan because I don't think I can work on it myself right now, I'm pursuing outside financing to help with our infertility treatment costs, and I'm just waiting on my period so that I can begin those treatments. I have a long cycle, but it's later than usual, so I may have to take the Prometrium my ObGyn prescribed to induce it; I'm going to wait until next week to see if it will come on its own, because I dislike taking drugs unnecessarily.

Comments

[six-bells-chime.livejournal.com]

Huff, sounds like a rough week but it will get better soon enough. Take care of yourself!

[triple-phoenix.livejournal.com]

Whatever you're going through, I am always here for you.